Epiphany
by The-Woman-In-White
Summary: One unfortunate trip to the woods changes Bella's life. How will she cope on her own? Thankfully, after several years, some familiar faces are seen in school.
1. Chapter 1

**1**

I couldn't make out where I was from the map. Everything in the woods looked exactly the same. I had been walking around for a few hours and my feet were hurting. It was slowly getting dark and I realised I should get back home, but something stopped me from that. I had a certain feeling I was near. My heart suddenly started beating faster, just thinking about the meadow made me nervous and excited. My eyes were scanning the map, then the compass and then the woods to find out where to go. Jacob had taught me this, but I still wasn't nearly as good as him. The darkness was slowly creeping into the woods further, as if it was putting a large blanket on top of it. Some animals awoke and were making rustling noises. My hand palms were getting sweaty and a irrational fear crept over me. I knew that there probably wasn't anything to fear except maybe bears. My mind kept playing tricks with me, trying to convince me there were voices whispering. But everytime I would tell myself it was just the wind or some animals.

My heart was now beating at a speed I deemed unhealthy. My feet were slowly shuffling across the floor and my eyes were directed towards the ground, trying to discover anything I might trip over. As I looked at the map, I did trip and let the compass fall. I quickly bent over and let my hand glide over the ground, trying to find it. After a while, my legs were starting to hurt and I still hadn't found it. I decided to give it up and return to my car. But as I tried to make out which way to go, I realised I really needed that compass, so I started searching again. The leaves were keeping the moon light away, but every now and then a small light beam would creep through the leaves. That's how I finally found my compass. The moon light swept across the floor for a few seconds, making the silver from the compass glister for a split second. I grabbed it and looked at the map again.

A few steps further, I had to get through some bushes. The branches scratched my arms, but I couldn't seem to care about it as my eyes saw what was in front of me. The meadow was lit by the moonlight, for there were no trees to keep it away. I felt my knees shaking, so I decided to sit down for a moment. The magical feeling of the meadow had disappeared, but it was still beautiful. The flowers were also gone, leaving only long grass, which looked dark blue in the moon light. My hands swept across it, feeling the grass tickle my hand palm. Again I imagined hearing voices nearing me, soft whispers and sighs. It had to be the wind, I told myself. But as the soft voices suddenly were accompanied by the fast treads of more than one person, my heart accelerated and I stood up, ready to start running. Then there was also the sound of leaves rustling and I stopped doubting. I ran, jumping over a fallen log, to the opposite direction the voices came from. But the voices didn't leave, they only got louder and the treads got faster. It seemed I wasn't getting far at all, even though I was trying to use everything I had in me. It was like a nightmare, where the evil will get to you, no matter what. But only this time, I wasn't going to wake up before anything bad would happen.

As I tried to dodge anything I might trip over, I suddenly heard the footsteps disappear, except for one. It should've brought me some relief, but it didn't. The group had diverted and now I was only the target of one person. It seemed the footsteps stayed just behind me, as if it wanted to tease me, or scare me. I knew it could easily get me, I had already figured out what the tread was from. Only a vampire could run that fast. It deliberately didn't catch up with me. But it would eventually. I would tire very soon, he wouldn't. I already felt the burn in my legs and I noticed I was slowing down.

Eventually the inevitable happened, I tripped and I felt the vampire jump on top of me. I knew it would do no good to scream, but even if I wanted to scream, I couldn't. The vampire immediately sunk his teeth in my neck, and within mere seconds I was out cold.

I opened my eyes, just to see the vampire being ripped of me and taken away. They must have thought I was dead, but I wasn't yet. I didn't know what would happen. Would I change into vampire, or didn't I have enough blood left? As the fire started burning in my neck, I got my answer. Before I could even understand it, I was already screaming. The pain was unendurable, this fire creeping through me, slowly setting my entire body on fire. I tried to keep my mouth shut, which worked for some time, but eventually I would just scream again. I wanted to think rationally, but it was simply impossible. I could only focus on the pain and to try not to scream. I couldn't open my eyes, afraid of what I might see. Even though I knew I was changing into a vampire, I still expected that, if I would open my eyes, I would see my entire body on fire.

Somehow, three days passed and the fire slowly started ebbing away. The first thing I thought of when I opened my eyes was Edward and the Cullen family. I knew I had to be a vegetarian too, not just for them, but for myself, for Charlie. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I killed innocent people. Then I noticed the burning in the back of my throat and I suddenly was a blood craving newborn.

Every now and then I would be able to think rational, but it was mostly blood that interested me. Because I spent the first years in the woods, I almost never ran into humans, so my record stayed fairly clean. Eventually the periods of rational thinking got longer and more frequent. I could control my thirst more easily and had more time to wallow in my self pity.

Eventually I had earned some money and I started moving around, just like the Cullens. I always knew I was meant to be a vampire. There were times I missed my human life, especially Charlie and Jacob. And, of course, my time with Edward. But the vampire life seemed to fit better with me. My red eyes had long ago changed into gold and I convinced myself I would perfectly fit in with the Cullens, if only they wanted that.

My desire to fit in with the Cullens disappeared too, after a few decades. Sometimes I would be mad at them, then disappointed and sad. My anger was mostly pointed towards Edward, though. I blamed him for all of it, even though my heart protested. My love was still the same, maybe even stronger, but I wouldn't let my mind listen to it. I was bittered and alone. I had expected to maybe create or meet a clan, or family, but I never did. After a certain amount of years spent entirely on your own, you get a different view on certain things. I wanted that I appreciated it more when I was with Charlie or my mother. I realised how special the Cullens were. They weren't just the only vegetarians, but also the only real family that consisted out of vampires. I understood how they didn't want a human girl mess that all up. But even though I understood, didn't mean that it hurt less. My heart still ached for a family.


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

What was that? I swiftly jumped off the rock, onto the ground, a soft bed of leaves. I could hear some footsteps far away, they seemed to be running in circles, the same path everytime. They were very slowly getting closer, and I automatically started backing away. My instinct told me to run, but I was very curious. A sudden memory returned to me, from when I was turned. I was also in the woods, as human, and I had heard footsteps. I was surprised at this memory. I could remember quite a lot from my human life, but there were still things I had forgotten. My transformation was something I didn't like to think about. While changing, there was a lonely feeling I hadn't noticed back then. At that moment you can only focus on the pain, but somewhere in the back of my mind I had realised I was utterly and completely alone.

A sudden flash of red brought me back to present. I had been slowly walking back to my cottage in the woods, but now I was frozen in my steps. I knew what, or rather who, that was, but wouldn't believe it. There was a voice in mind whispering her name as a scary warning bell, _Victoria_,_ Victoria_.

Another flash of red. But something was off. Those footsteps, they weren't of only one person. I let out a gasp, she wasn't alone. I turned around and started running. If I had a heart, it would be beating like crazy by now. I froze as I saw Victoria appearing in front of me with a sickly sweet smile on her face.

"Sweet, innocent, Bella. I was quite surprised when I found out you weren't human anymore." My eyes were shifting around, trying to see the person she brought.

"Don't worry, he'll be here any second now." She had a strange glint in her eyes, it made me think she was on the borderline of being hysterical. There was a small part in me that felt for her, she had lost her love, James. I can understand her grudge. Maybe I would have done the same if Edward had been killed by James, instead of the other way round.

There must have been sympathy in my eyes, because she sneered at me. "Don't look at me like that!" I heard a manly chuckle behind me. As I turned my head around, I saw an attractive vampire stand behind me, his arms crossed. He had fiery red eyes and a devilish smile on his face. I was suddenly extremely aware of my golden eyes.

"There you are, Jerry." Jerry moved his gaze to Victoria and his look changed. He had feelings for her, but if she encouraged them or not, I didn't know. He walked past me, so he could stand beside her.

I knew she wanted to kill me, but I wasn't really scared. I quickly glanced around, wondering if there were more vampires. I couldn't detect any, but that didn't stop me from worrying. I wouldn't survive it if I would try to fight them.

The only other options were running or trying to convince them not kill me. Seeing as they probably didn't listen, I chose to run. As soon as Victoria's shifted her attention to Jerry, I started to run. I didn't know if I was fast, as I had no one to compare it too. I had a second or less before they started running too, but in that second, I got quite far. They didn't catch up, but stayed just behind me the entire time. Victoria still had a confident smile on her face, but I started getting confident too. I realised they weren't as fast as me and that if I would make it to the road, they would have to leave, otherwise they would get distracted by the humans.

A loud gasp escaped me as I was suddenly in the path of another vampire. I hadn't heard any other footsteps, but I wasn't paying attention. Now I was getting scared. I heard a female laugh from behind me, Victoria. I didn't know what to do, my thoughts were a blur. Two more vampires appeared out of nowhere and they all circled around me. I was surprised to see that everyone, except for Jerry, had black eyes. Even Victoria. Was there a reason they were hungry? Maybe it made them more aggressive. That thought worried me a lot. I had no chance of surviving, so I started to panic. My head was quickly moving around, I was trying to find a way to escape. Turns out I didn't needed to.

We all turned our heads when we heard some voices and some whistling. A group of hikers was taking a walk through the forests, not knowing their fate. All the vampires, except for Jerry and Victoria, ran away and a second later manly screams filled the silent woods. Victoria had a panicked look in her eyes, I saw her eyes turn pitch black and her control started to waver. She couldn't control herself and ran after the rest of the group.

Jerry was now looking at me, a hint of worry in his eyes. He knew that he might not be able to kill me himself. He came walking towards me anyhow and jumped up. I quickly ran away and saw him land on the leaves, which were now flying through the air. As he tried to attack again, I kicked him away, amazed at my strength. During my years as vampire, I never had to fight another vampire before. Scary as it was, it was also very exhilarating. It wouldn't be long before the other vampires would be done, so I quickly ran towards him, determined to escape. But as I got close I stopped and turned around, quickly running away. Something about the way he looked at me, fear in his young eyes. I couldn't kill him, it was too hard. I would never forgive myself if I would've killed someone when it wasn't absolutely necessary

My mind couldn't believe I was getting away, not after dealing with the fact I would never survive. A hysterical laugh escaped me. The nerves were getting to much, but I couldn't stop running and collect myself. There was a possibility they were coming after me.

I didn't stop running for a day, until I was far, far away from those woods.

**A/N: If your wondering why I didn't use Riley, that's because this is about forty years in the future from the beginning of New Moon, so Riley should be an old man by then.**


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

Maybe I shouldn't buy this, I'm only going to be living here for a few years. I contemplated the options as I examined the can with paint in it. I had just bought my own house. Before this I had always rented an apartment, because I didn't have enough money to buy a house.

The house I bought was small, but very cute. It was quite far from the town centre, but that was just easier for me. It was near the woods, so I could easily go hunting. Only it had been a long time since the house had been renovated. So that's how I ended up in a hardware store. I decided to paint the living room in a beautiful cream colour.

Ever since I had bought the house, I felt proud of it. To be able to say it was my house, the house I owned. I could do what ever I wanted with it. This was the moment I had been working for. These countless jobs in local stores had finally paid off.

As I went to pay for the paint, I noticed it felt good to do something so… I wasn't sure how to describe it. So human.

The boy behind the counter looked a bit scared when he saw me, but not the way you would assume. It was like he was intimidated by my vampire looks. I tried to reassure him by smiling kindly at him, but that only made his heart beat faster.

I got in my car, putting the can of paint on the passenger seat.

The days as a vampire went by quickly. I always had to do something. I either had to do something about the place I was living or I had to work. The nights I spent thinking about all kinds of things. Living like this was really relaxed, I had almost no obligations, but it was also quite lonely. Humans weren't really fit to get a tight bond with and I didn't seem to meet a lot of nice vampires lately.

Everytime I would see my little house appear from behind the trees, I would involuntarily smile. I rushed inside and started making the arrangements for painting. The walls were an ugly yellow colour. There were stains which proved there had been families living here for a while. I quickly started painting, ignoring the guilty feeling I had for erasing the traces of those former families.

I had put up some music and within an hour I was done with the entire room. There were some privileges you had when you are a vampire. I turned off the radio and sat on the couch, which was still covered in a plastic foil, to protect it from paint. Sometimes I would have this strange feeling, as if I should be tired but I am not.

I let out a big sigh and looked around, sniffing the smell of paint. It reminded me of the many times I painted the house of my mother when I was human. I had many blurry memories, but I could remember enough. My mother wanted a different colour on the walls every month. Most of the times I would convince her that the colour we had on the wall that month was fine, but sometimes she would be so persistent, that I would find myself painting the room in a colour that was just slightly different again.

My heart suddenly ached for my parents. Would they still be alive by now? They should be around eighty years old. What if something had happened to Charlie when he had to do something for the police? Forks wasn't really an exciting town, so that chance was small, but the possibility was still there. I had the desperate need to figure out what had happened to them. My heart hurt when I thought of the pain they had to endure when I went 'missing'. But I knew I shouldn't try to find them. No matter what had happened to them, I would just came back even more depressed then before. I always tried to push them to the back of my mind, so the pain would be less, but sometimes they wouldn't let themselves be pushed away. Suddenly a tearless sob escaped me and I was genuinely surprised at the sound.

For a few hours, I went through the memories of my parents I had, until I sighed and got up, gotten fed up with my self pity.

I couldn't smell the paint anymore, I had spent too much time in this room and the smell had become familiar. The paint wasn't dry yet, but I started taking the foil off the furnishing and I carefully placed the furniture back in their places.

When I was done, I picked up one of the many books I had spread across the house. As I nestled myself in a comfortable chair, I started reading and kept reading until I had finished the book.

This was one of those moments in which I really missed family or friends. I had nothing to do and was walking around the house. I was picturing the Cullens, laughing and talking together in their living room from their house in Forks, because that was the only house I knew the interior from. What did they do all these years? While I was building up my life as a vampire, their life just continued. Did it continue the way it was before they met me, or were their lives different? As vain a girl sometimes can be, I couldn't imagine I made such a big impact on their lives. I was just special because I was the only girl Edward ever seemed to be interested in.

I sighed, Edward. Every minute of the day he was somewhere in my mind, bound to appear at random moments in my thoughts.

I was wandering through the hallways as I came across a lonely mirror. I looked in it and saw a lifeless version of me. Her eyes were gold, but empty. Bags beneath her eyes, bags that didn't seem to disappear. Lips slightly parted and her hair ridiculously soft. Sometimes it would annoy me how perfect vampires are. It could be a relaxing thought that you're not perfect, how strange it may sound. If your not perfect, you don't have to look perfect or act perfect. I let out a frustrated scream, screaming away all my feelings. Sadness, anger, loneliness, frustration, depression and confusion, all those feelings were coursing through me, every second. I was desperately looking for some comfort and kindness.

I shook my head, worrying wouldn't help me. I got up to go to the supermarket. Even though I didn't have to eat, it was a comforting thought I had food in my cabins. Just like the Cullens always had. Only they had actually had a person to feed. God, I really was their pet.


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

Yes, they were real. Sitting there, not eating their food and just staring in different directions. I had been assuming this would happen for ninety-three years, well minus the year I was a craving newborn, so ninety-two years. Thankfully they hadn't seen or heard me yet, I wasn't ready for that. After giving them another look, I turned around and walked away. I was wondering where Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper where. Maybe they had already graduated.

I wasn't sure if I should stay or not. I wouldn't let myself be scared away by them, but maybe just for today. To let myself get used to the idea. And what would they do when they found out I was here as a vampire, and not a one-hundred and eleven years old woman, probably already passed away? But I shouldn't run away from my feelings, if I leave now, I might never run into them again. Even if they didn't want anything to do with me, that didn't mean I didn't like knowing they were still there. As a prove that everything that happened to me in my short, human life was real. Well, real may not be the good word to describe it. It was real for me, but looking back now, I could've known Edward didn't really love me that way. He had all these beautiful vampire girls at his disposal. Especially the ones from the Denali-clan. But he supposedly chose me.

As I was walking down the hallway, I was looking at the students, enjoying their lunch-break. I sighed, I could already see who the Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley from this school were. Most girls gave me an arrogant look as I passed. But, annoying as it was, I was still flattered when I saw some boys do a double take when they saw me.

"Bella!" I froze halfway in my step. Most of the students looked at the source of the yell, because no one knew a 'Bella'. When I turned around to look at Edward, I heard some voices say: "Figures. He is interested in her."

When Edward came closer, I saw the pained looked on his face. "Bella," he whispered this time. He put his hand around my cheek, as if he wanted to see if I was real.

"How?" I shook my head. Now was not the time for those explanations. He still had his hand on my face, but I didn't have it in me to say he shouldn't. It felt so good to have him touch me, to have him talk to me. All these years I tried to find a way to live without him, but I never really knew how. Maybe it was just impossible for me to have a functioning life without Edward.

"Bella, I've missed you so much. I love you." My eyes snapped up and I felt the anger course through me.

"Don't play games with me Edward." I grabbed his hand, which was still on my face, and put it next to his body. He just let it hang there, limp. He looked regretful and sad. "You left because you didn't love me. Because I wasn't good enough! Don't say you've changed your mind and I've spent all these years in misery for nothing."

"I do love you, always have. That day in the woods… I only did what I thought was needed to protect you. I couldn't have left you if I hadn't thought it was the only thing I could do to give you back the life you deserved."

"Stop it," I whispered, not sure if he would he hear me through his apology speech. But he did, because he was silent immediately and he looked at me. "I understand how you are probably sorry, but it's just not enough." I saw a pained looked in his eyes and it almost killed me to say this. "If you really love me, like you said, I'm not sure what to think of you. That you would leave the one you love so much and cause us both a great deal of pain." He opened his mouth again, but I silenced him with my eyes.

"You will never be able to understand how it feels to think the one person you have ever loved, loved so immensely, doesn't love you back. That you aren't good enough. You may have had sorrow and pain too, but at least you knew I still loved you. You chose to leave, I was left." He had his eyes cast downwards.

"I don't know what to say, except that I truly love you. I made a mistake by thinking you may not loved me as much as I love you." I hurt me how he, actually us both, were using loved, instead of love, when it was about me.

"I do love you," I whispered. His eyes snapped up again. "I just don't think I will ever be able to trust you again. You were able to leave the person you love so much and to spend ninety-three years without them. You would've spend eternity without me, if I hadn't shown up. And it would've all been because of your own decision. If your love hasn't changed, how do I know you won't leave again. I know you'll be able to do it." In some way, it felt good to have said all of this. But when I looked in Edward's eyes and saw the pain, I regretted it all. I still thought he should know this, but it killed me to hurt him.

"I might be able to do it, but I won't. I won't leave, not after knowing what it's like to live without you. You are my reason to live, you were the only thing I thought about these ninety-three years. And when I realised you probably weren't alive anymore, I couldn't do anything. I've spent so much time just sitting in my room, thinking about us." I shook my head. I couldn't listen to it anymore, it was too hard.

"I have to leave." I knew he was watching me as I walked away. Our entire conversation was spinning around in my head. It was hard to understand I just talked to Edward and refused him. All these years I knew I would walk into the Cullens sometime, but even now, when it happened, I realised I was completely unprepared for the feelings coursing through me. Feelings I hadn't felt in so long. It was like I shut myself off for those feelings, I wouldn't let myself feel them.

This was one of the few times I wished I could sleep and just experience peace for a few hours. But I couldn't, so I chose the next best thing, hunting. It would keep my mind of things for a while.

As I was running through the woods, I realised I could run into one of the Cullens, so I should be on my watch. But soon the sent of deer filled my nose and every sane thought left my mind and I leaped forward, attacking the unfortunate animal. As I was done with the animal, I heard light footsteps, which I should've been able to detect earlier, had I been listening. They were coming towards me, as if I was it's target. I probably was, I thought sourly. I was happy to run into one of the Cullen's, if it was a Cullen, but they would probably try to convince me to give Edward another chance.

Before I could do anything, someone jumped up and threw her or his arms around me. I was fairly sure it was Alice, seeing the height, black hair and the fact the person was hugging me. My arms went around her back too, revelling in the reunion. I had missed Alice just as much as Edward. But why didn't she say goodbye? Did Edward forbid it? And even so, were they all so scared of Edward that they just agreed to leave me alone? I was trying not to get mad, Alice didn't deserve it, I hoped.

"Bella!" We stood up, smiling at each other.

"Alice, you haven't changed a bit, I see." After my changes in appearance during the transformation, my human instinct just assumed other people would've changed too.

"You have, surprisingly. You wouldn't believe what happened when I got my first vision of you. It was only yesterday, because I was looking for Edwards future." Her smile changed in a frown. I was wondering why. "I'm not allowed to look in your future." I was frowning too. I couldn't believe Edward had forbidden Alice to do that.

"I see," I said.

"But when I did see you in his future, he sort of freaked out. He couldn't believe it. We all thought you weren't alive any more." Another frown on her face. I smiled comforting at her and grabbed her hand.

"I am alive, or how ever you call this, don't worry." She nodded and continued.

"Nobody could believe it, but I did notice everyone was suddenly so much more happy. Everybody would just start laughing out of nowhere." I laughed, picturing the Cullen house in such an uproar. "We've all missed you so much."

I nodded, sitting down on the ground. I faintly saw the corpse of the animal next to us, but I couldn't bother getting up and dispose of it.

"You have spoken to Edward, I believe?" I rolled my eyes, I knew she had heard it all.

"I have." She smiled apologetic.

"I won't talk about it. But tell me, what have you done these past years?" I smiled and thought back. After he left I was a wreck, but it would be better not to share that with Alice.

"Ow, you know. Changing in a vampire and roaming the earth." We laughed and I saw the spark return in her eyes.

"Let's go to Carlisle and Esme. They really want to see you." I nodded and we got up. I ran behind Alice, letting her guide the way.

I was once again surprised by the house they were living in. Esme must have done a great deal to it. It looked like an old, Victorian house, but there was a large amount of windows covering the walls. It was beautiful and unique, just like Esme. I sighed as I pictured Esme and Carlisle. I considered them my parents, but I hadn't seen them in so long, I wasn't sure what to expect.

The second I walked into the hallway, Carlisle and Esme rushed in and looked at me with love in their eyes. That moment I realised how it must have felt for them, they loved me like a daughter too and must have been hurt when they had to leave me. I walked towards them and gave them both a hug.

"It's so good to see you, Bella. How are you?" Carlisle's question didn't sound like the normal, daily question you ask out of politeness. There was a serious look in his eyes and I understood he really wanted to know how I felt, not only now, but these past years.

"I'm coping, I suppose." They smiled weakly and looked at each other. If she could, Esme would be crying.

"We're really sorry. I can't imagine how it must have been to go through all of that alone. But do come to the living room and talk to us about it." I nodded and followed everyone. I noticed Jasper already sitting on the couch, greeting me with a nod. I walked towards him and, when he stood up, gave him a hug.

"How are you, Jasper?" I was afraid he might put some blame on him for everything that happened. Maybe he could tell from my feelings toward him, I didn't feel any grudge what so ever towards him.

"I'm fine, Bella. We all missed you." I smiled back at him. There was a moment of connection and I realised he must have been sensing my emotions. A more genuine smile spread across his face and I hoped he realised I wasn't blaming him for anything.

We all sat down on the beautiful white couch and chairs. Alice sat next to me, smiling the entire time.

"Emmett and Rosalie are somewhere in Africa, but they're returning in a few weeks." When Esme would talk about her children, her whole face would light up and she would sound so proud and happy.

Carlisle was watching her with a smile on his face. It was endearing to watch them interact together.

"Why don't you tell us what happened," Carlisle suggested. I nodded and opened my mouth to start telling about how I became a vampire.

"It wasn't that long after you all left that I became a vampire. There was a nomadic vampire clan travelling through the woods near Forks. When I was there, one of them attacked me. But before he could finish me, the clan took him away, saying they had to leave. So I was left in the woods," I almost said 'again', but decided not to. "It was fortunate in some way that it happened in the woods. When a scream did escape me, there was a smaller chance someone would here me." I looked around and saw all of there horrified faces. It might had been better if I hadn't talked about me trying not to scream, but I wasn't thinking about that during the speech.

I suddenly heard a fifth person near. I had a feeling who it was. Edward walked in with his head down and didn't seem sure what to do. I was sure he wanted to come sit with us, but that he didn't know if I was OK with that. Alice looked at me for a second, in that second I gave her a barely noticeable nod, and she invited him to sit with us. He smiled weakly and sat down next to Esme. He had probably been listening to me and when I was done, he decided to come in.

"What happened after you became a vampire?" Alice was leaned toward me a bit and seemed interested in something a little less horrible from my past.

"I knew I couldn't leave the woods yet, because then I would probably attack the people. So I stayed in the woods, trying to avoid anything human. I'm not saying I never slipped and killed a human, but I can say my record was better than most newborns. I tried very hard to control my thirst. And after a few years, it finally started to get better. Now I'm even able to go to school." I noticed I sounded quite proud, even though the most people in that room had killed less people than I.

Everybody smiled at me, looking genuinely happy. Only Edward looked pained. I tried to look away, as it hurt me to see him pained, but my head wouldn't move. Eventually I did look away and looked around the room, feeling happy. A feeling I hadn't felt in a very long time.

"I have to go, it was really great to see all of you again." I didn't say anything to or about Edward in particular, and somehow it felt wrong.

"For us too, dear. Don't hesitate to visit us again soon." There was a slight feeling I couldn't quite describe, that made me feel sad about hearing Esme use 'us' the entire time. I wanted to be with them again, to belong to their family, I suddenly realised. I hadn't felt that way in over forty years. But now that I did, it felt right. There was something to dream about, something that may or may not happen in the future. This kind of uncertainty was something I missed in my life. My life was always predictable and therefore boring. I had a feeling the Cullens would always stir my life up, no matter what.


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

I was strolling through the hallway, not noticing the stares I was getting. My bag was slowly gliding of my shoulder, but my hand shove it back. It was still stubbornly gliding downwards, so I just grabbed the handle in my hand and let the bag slide across the linoleum floor. A small sigh escaped my lips as I had my eyes cast downwards.

The bell rang, so the hallway quickly emptied and I found myself alone, surrounded by voices of students, muffled through the thick walls and doors. In the corner of my eye, I suddenly spotted a dark figure. The person was leaning against some lockers, hidden in the shade. As I let my eyes take in the person, I realised it was Edward. My head was telling me to turn around, but my feet kept walking. As I got nearer, my feet started moving faster. I instinctively assumed I would just walk by, trying to make myself invisible. But I noticed I was slowly turning towards him and suddenly I stood right in front of him, looking at him. He was looking at his feet. His breathing was regular and it was the only thing that was a prove he was living, for beside that, he acted like a statue. He was completely still, his eyes locked to one point.

"Bella," he suddenly spoke. I noticed I was startled and my eyes were opened a bit wider than usual. We locked eyes and stayed like that for a long time. We started breathing simultaneously, adapting ourselves to the other. He slowly raised his hand, I saw the doubt in his eyes. His hand was moving to mine, but didn't grab it. I found myself wanting him to touch me, not sure where that longing was coming from.

Eventually he did, slowly lacing his gentle fingers through mine. We were both looking at his hand, our breathing sped up. He unlaced his fingers and moved his hand to my wrist, slowly closing his fingers around it. There was something I wanted him to do, but I wasn't sure what. Did I want him to continue, or stop? My mind was a blur and I couldn't figure it out, but I did know I was enjoying it, if that was wrong or not. I was starting to move my head so I could look him in the eyes, as I felt his hand move upwards, towards my elbow. I expected him to pause at my elbow, but he didn't. His hand moved towards my shoulder, placing it there, with a firm, but gentle grip. My eyes quickly looked at his and I saw that they were looking at his hand, or my shoulder, with a look of lust and confusion.

Suddenly I felt his other hand, softly being placed around my neck. His other hand, which was at my shoulder, did the same thing. Now both his hand were around my neck.

Because the last time he had touched my like this, I was human, it was a strange, but exhilarating experience to feel his hands like a warm touch, instead of an icy cold one. I felt my head shift and I looked at his eyes again. He was slightly frowning, but I could detect a hint of happiness beneath his indifferent mask. His eyes made their way to mine, starting with my shoulder, then my neck, my mouth and eventually my eyes. His amber eyes were soft, but filled with lust. Without noticing it, my lips had slightly parted. He did notice, as his eyes quickly glanced at my lips.

There was no need to speak, as our eyes said it all. I do believe that if one of us _had_ spoken, it would've ruined the moment. My hands were longing to touch him too, but I wasn't sure where. Our eyes were locked and I felt we were connected. I could look into his soul, which I still believed he had. This was one of the most intimate moments I had ever experienced. As I looked at him, my heart swelled with love. There was an invisible smile on his lips, only visible if you looked him in the eyes. His eyes looked into mine, love and lust being the only things in them. The confusion had left, with the doubt. My eyes probably looked quite similar. As I saw him looking at me like that, I knew my heart had forgiven him and that I could never live without him.

As I was about to tell him this, or at least kiss him, the bell rang -had an hour already passed, I wondered suddenly- and the students roughly pushed us away from each other.

When most of the students had disappeared outside, we had the opportunity to walk towards each other again. But as soon as I got near, I felt an arm link with mine and pull me towards the entrance of the school. I looked sideways and saw Alice with an excited grin on her face. She was almost running and I couldn't look behind me anymore, but I could feel his stare bore into my back, or I imagined it because I desperately wanted him to be looking at me.

I wasn't sure what just happened. Did he just let himself get carried away by hormones, or was he telling the truth when he told me he still loved me?

We were walking across the parking lot, as Alice finally started talking. "I think we should go shopping." We were now standing by the car and I quickly glanced at her face. I saw excitement in her eyes, but only for shopping. Had she not been listening to us? Didn't she have a vision about this? I was wondering why she didn't know what just happened. If she did, she would've been behaving differently.

"All right, Alice. But why so suddenly a change in plans? I thought I was just coming over to your place again." She shrugged innocently and took place behind the steering-wheel. I was raising one eyebrow questioningly, even though there was no one to see it. I got in the car and Alice immediately sped away. But not before I caught a glimpse of Edward standing in the entrance, looking at us with a certain look in his eyes. Was it hope?

"How are things between you and Edward?" I turned my head around again and looked at Alice. There was no strange excitement and no knowing look. I tried to keep my face neutral. I was thinking about telling her, but as I was doubting, the moment passed and the opportunity to fill her in was gone. "You know…" I said, still not being able to lie properly. I hoped she would let it rest by this vague answer. She nodded with a calculating look on her face.

"And Jasper, how is he?" I asked, trying to guide the attention away from me. A small smile spread across her face, but there was also a hint of sadness and even frustration.

"He's doing fantastic, but I fear he may still blame himself for what has happened. Everyone has already tried to explain it wasn't his fault, but it seems the blame never fully goes away." We both sighed. I was wondering if something had changed since my visit. He did got a chance to sense my emotions, and I'm sure there wasn't any blame directed towards him, right? Suddenly I realised with a shock that there might be. Maybe my conscious had forgiven him, or never even blamed him, but my subconscious did think he was partly the cause Edward left. Maybe I just didn't know. I was trying to convince myself that if I really blamed him, I would've known, but there was still this sudden feeling nagging at me. I felt extremely guilty. If I had just forgiven him, he might have felt relieved after meeting me. But I was convinced I had, so maybe I'm just overreacting. I couldn't deny feeling guilty for not being more careful, for cutting myself. Jasper couldn't help it. I slowly started to calm down, realising I probably didn't blame Jasper. I was just getting riled up about everything, because my feelings were all over the place.

"And there wasn't a change after he had seen me again?" I saw her contemplating and recalling his behaviour from today. Suddenly, ever so slowly, a spark of hope formed in her eyes, just as I had recently seen happening with Edward. I couldn't flatter myself that much, but the idea that I was doing that was still somewhere in my mind.

"Now that you mention it, his mood has been noticeable better today. But I just thought that he could control his thirst very good today. Ow Bella! What if he would forgive himself and get back to the way he used to be?" A broad smile spread across her face and for some reason, she sped up.

"We're almost there!" Alice was jumping up and down her seat, not able to control her excitement. It was still a mystery to me as to why she always got so enthusiastic about shopping.

We parked and got out of the car. I sighed, not looking forward to shopping. If I was honest to myself, I wanted to be with Edward. I still wasn't sure what our relationship was by now. I still had to decide if I completely forgave him.

"What do you want to do first? Bella?" I blinked a few times and shook my head.

"You decide, Alice." I smiled at her, trying to cover the fact I just zoned out. She looked around, glancing at the names of the stores. Suddenly, she linked her arm with mine and started walking towards a store.

As we walked in, the cashier looked at us and gave us a small smile. I nodded and looked at Alice, who was already looking through clothes. I joined her, but wasn't sure what we were looking for. Alice grabbed some things and handed them to me, telling me to try them on. I gave her a look, but walked to the dressing-room anyway.

After we had been to five stores, I already had a few bags with clothes hanging on my arm. I had paid for most of them, but a few times Alice would insist she paid for some clothes.

"Let's return home, Alice." I pleaded with my eyes, not sure what was going through her mind.

"Fine, are you coming to our house?"

"Sure, why not?" She nodded and we made our way to the car.

"When are Rosalie and Emmett coming home?" I hadn't heard anything about them yet, but I really wanted to see Emmett again.

"There actually coming home next week." I smiled at her and got in the car. Maybe Rosalie would act nicer after all these years, but I wasn't getting my hopes up. Alice started her car and we made our way to their house, in a blissful ignorance of what was waiting for us there.


	6. Chapter 6

**6**

"What's it with you and secret driveways hidden in the woods?" Alice shrugged and smiled at me. We were silent for a while as I looked around, through the trees that were rapidly passing by.

"Did you hear that?" Alice was looking around, through the car windows. I frowned and listened.

"I don't hear anything Alice. Are you sure you heard something?" She nodded absent-mindedly, still listening intently. I shrugged and looked around. After a few seconds, I did hear something.

"Alice, those are just footsteps." She looked me with an incredulous look. "They could be of Carlisle, Esme, Jasper or Edward," I continued. She sighed and parked in front of their house.

As we walked in, we found everyone in the livingroom, talking to each other. They went silent as they noticed us. Alice and I shared a look and sat down. Jasper smiled at Alice and they shove close to each other. Suddenly a blank look crossed Alice's face, after which she looked scared. Everyone, except Edward, was wondering what was in the vision she had. Edward was looking at me, a terrified look on his face. I looked around, confused.

"Victoria," Alice whispered, making me gasp out loud. How did she know where I was? Had she followed me?

"I'll leave, she's only after me." The Cullens looked horrified at me.

"Absolutely not!" Edward growled.

"What if I'll go somewhere so she'll follow me and then you'll all make a plan how to defeat her." Carlisle had a calculating look on his face. I had stood up while I was telling them my plan.

"You'll not go alone," Edward said, his voice now gentle. I nodded slowly and sat back down.

"Leaving now won't do anything. She's too close. There's even the possibility she's hearing everything we're saying now." Alice was talking fast and I saw how she grabbed Jasper's hand.

"What if we talked to her?" Esme asked, looking around the room with a scared look on her face. She must have been terrified something would happen to us.

"I don't think she'll listen," I said slowly. Everyone had an calculating look on his or hers face and we were all silent. I felt incredibly guilty for leading Victoria to the Cullens. I wanted to leave so she would go after me and leave the Cullens alone, but I knew that the situation would then be similar to the one I had with James. So I sighed and racked my brain for solutions.

"Let's at least wait for Emmett and Rosalie to come home. If we are going to fight her, we need them," Jasper added.

"Alice, in your vision, she's not alone, is she?" I asked her, remembering that day in the woods. Alice shook her head and gave me a look. I looked around and saw everybody looking at me. I hadn't told them yet, but now would be a good time to do so.

"A few decades ago, I ran into her and she had about four other vampires helping her. I think she created them just so she could easily take care of me."

"How did you escape?" Jasper asked, curiosity in his eyes.

"A few hikers were walking through the woods and three of the guys went after them. Victoria was very thirsty and eventually she ran away too. Only one guy was still there, Jerry. He attacked me, but I kicked him off me and escaped." I looked up and saw Edward looking at me, full of worry. I smiled weakly, trying to reassure him.

"Thank god you escaped!" Alice yelled out, hugging me tightly. I hugged her back, but froze when my eyes vaguely saw something through the windows. For a second I saw Victoria's face between some leaves, high up in the tree. When Alice went back to sit on her place on the couch, the face was gone and I tried to convince myself I imagined it. Jasper was looking curiously at me.

"Something wrong, Bella?" He asked. I laughed nervously and told them what I thought I saw. Esme gasped softly, but the rest just looked serious.

Carlisle got up and walked towards the phone.

"I'll call Emmett and Rosalie, telling them to come home as soon as possible. We've got no time to lose. Even if Victoria isn't as close as we might think, she will be very soon. We have to prepare, she might not be alone." We all nodded solemnly.

I caught Edward looking at me. I tried to smile, but I failed. I was surprised when I saw him get up and sit down beside me, grabbing my hand in his. I immediately felt comforted and leaned my head against his shoulder. His thumb slowly caressed my hand, soothing me. I didn't notice the stares I was getting from Esme and Alice, as I was in my own little world, not worrying about Victoria.

I heard Carlisle's voice on the background and muffled whispers from Esme and Alice. Jasper was contemplating something, looking gravely at the ground. As I casually looked around, I saw Alice grinning at me. She winked and let out a giggle. I rolled my eyes and moved closer to Edward.

"They will be here tomorrow." Carlisle sat down beside Esme and gave her a comforting smile.

Rosalie probably didn't like that she had to return early from her honeymoon for me. I sighed and realised my relationship with Rosalie was never going to be perfect.

Edward looked at me with curiosity. He always wanted to know what I was thinking. I teasingly raised one eyebrow and let out a soft giggle. He rolled his eyes and put his arm around me, pulling me even closer to him. It was like we both wanted to catch up for the time apart, to be constantly together. There was a small voice nagging me, telling this might be the last days we would be together. If Victoria had created more vampires, we might not be able to defeat them. And even if we did, maybe we wouldn't all survive. That thought made me shiver and made Edward look frustrated again, as he was trying to figure out what I was thinking through looking me in the eyes.

"Bella, you're staying here tonight, right?" Esme asked, smiling sweetly. That was when I realised Esme wasn't just an innocent and sweet woman, but that she also had sneaky ways of planning things. I nodded and smiled back, not sure what her intentions were.

A few minutes later, after I had a short conversation with Alice, Esme asked for our attention again.

"Carlisle, you won't mind going hunting with me tonight, will you?" Everybody seemed a bit surprised and Carlisle agreed with a slightly confused look on his face.

"Fantastic," she said, clapping her hands together. I smiled slightly, realising Esme wanted us to have the house alone for tonight. I looked at Alice, who was talking to Jasper. Esme was also looking at them, probably trying to figure out how she could discreetly get them out of the house for tonight.

I heard Edward chuckle too and we shared an understanding look. Esme coughed slightly and raised her eyebrows when she saw Jasper was looking at her. Jasper looked at her, then at Alice and frowned slightly.

"Shall we join you?" Jasper asked Esme, looking like he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Esme nodded satisfied and leaned back in her chair, her job was done.


	7. Chapter 7

**7**

Edward and I had been sitting in the same position, my head on his shoulder and his arm around me, for a long time. We hadn't spoken yet, we had only revelled in each others company, the feeling of holding the other close. I felt his breath on my neck and it gave me slight shivers. I suppressed them and sat up straight, looking Edward in the eye.

"Edward, how will we do this?" He frowned for a short second, after which he smiled at me.

"Well, we'll have to hold each other. We have to laugh if the other one makes a joke, we have to dance together. Smile together, and we have to kiss the other." Humour sparked in his eyes as he leaned closer, making his last words a whisper.

"You know that's not what I meant," I whispered, barely able to speak coherent as his lips got closer. He nodded slightly and pulled me closer.

"Don't worry, it'll all work out," his last words hung in the air as our lips connected.

The feeling of his lips had been a sensation I hadn't experienced in over ninety years, but now I did. My arm went around his neck, to pull him closer. The feeling of having no limits was something Edward had never felt, so it was hard for him to understand he could just kiss me, without the danger of me getting hurt.

He sighed softly as we broke apart, his eyes smouldering.

Suddenly Edward got up, leaving me confused, until I heard the music fill the room.

"May I have this dance?" He asked, as I took his hand and got up. He put his hand on my waist and I put mine on his shoulder. We started slowly moving around, dancing to the soft sound of the music.

I don't know how long we did that, but suddenly Alice and Jasper walked in, so it must have been long.

"Sorry to interrupt, but while we were out hunting, we smelled vampires that we didn't know." Edward stopped dancing and frowned. I turned around and looked at them.

"Where?" My voice was barely a whisper.

"Quite far from here, but still too close for our likings. It's obvious she's here for us, so we'll have to be on our watch. Emmett and Rosalie can arrive any moment now, but we'll have to listen and watch out for Victoria." Jasper ended with a sad sigh and he pulled Alice close to him.

"We will," Edward said, looking at me. I nodded, agreeing.

We all decided to sit down together and make a plan, but so far it wasn't really working out. We didn't know with how many they were and if there were some with a gift. Nobody said anything, so we all heard a car park in front of the house very clearly. Esme stood up and walked to the front door to greet Emmett and Rosalie. As soon as they noticed I was here, Emmett rushed towards me and hugged me, while Rosalie stood behind him, with surprise and slight disdain written on her face.

"So, you've finally gotten your wish," she sneered, walking to the couch.

"Not exactly." I dared to say, not looking at her. When I looked up, I saw she had raised one eyebrow questioningly. Before I could start retelling my story, Alice explained it in a matter of a few seconds. Rosalie's look changed a bit, knowing I didn't choose this, but she never stopped disliking me completely.

Suddenly every one got quiet as we heard some one in the woods, quite far away. The sounds were coming from more than one person and we all looked at each other, not sure what to do. Emmett was the first one to move. He got up and stormed outside, the rest of us following him. As we were running through the woods for a few seconds, the scent of vampires filled our noses and quickly it was to prominent to ignore. We even heard them talking as we got deeper in the woods.

A large clearing is the place where we eventually found them, lined up in a defending matter, all with a scowl on their face.

There weren't five vampires anymore, two more had joined them, so they had one vampire less then us, so thankfully we still outnumber them. Victoria was standing closest to us, looking at Edward with a look of hatred on her face. She jumped up to attack and the group quickly followed her example.

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter. School has begun again, so I won't update very often.**


	8. Chapter 8

**8**

I was terrified and, out of mere self-preservation, I turned myself into an emotionless state, only trying to keep myself and the Cullens safe. Because of that I don't have memories of the fight, only that I looked into the red eyes of Victoria at one moment, but before I could do anything, someone grabbed her and she was out of my sight in a second. I concentrated on the other vampire standing in front of me and that is where my memory stops.

Thankfully I can report that all the Cullens made it out safely, including me. Victoria was defeated and destroyed and we were all relieved.

Looking around the field -the random spot in the woods had turned into a field, for we had destroyed a large amount of trees- I saw purple smoke get entangled between the branches and it coloured the sky, which had been a light blue only a few seconds ago, an eerie, purple colour. A sickly sweet smell filled my nose and I turned away, directing my eyes to the trees. A pair of arms encircled my waist and I leaned my head against Edward's torso.

"Are you all right?" Edward looked worried and I felt his grip tighten.

"I'm absolutely fine, thank you." After the entire fight, I felt as if a burden was lifted from my shoulders. It still didn't feel right that all these innocent vampires had had to suffer for this, but I still felt happier than I had felt in a long time. Edward and I could be together, I was part of the Cullens' family and Victoria wasn't a danger for me anymore.

"Let's go home," I proposed and I felt him nod. We walked to the other Cullens and together we ran home.

"I'm glad that's over," Esme said, smiling at every one. Emmett was planning on saying something, but decided not to when he saw everybody's look.

"Tomorrow we'll go to school, Carlisle will go to work and our regular life, if you can call it that, will start again. But not yet for today, so what will we do?" Alice asked. I saw she was excited, because everything had ended well, but her nerves were still there.

"Let's just stay home and do something together, like watching a movie," Edward suggested. Everybody nodded and seemed to think about it.

Soon, everyone started to shout out names of movies they 'needed' to see. I sat there, keeping silent and watching everyone with a smile upon my face. It didn't feel like we had just been in a fight, we were just a regular family deciding what to do that night. Everybody was arguing and suggesting movies, demanding their own choice. I laughed, which went by unnoticed, and listened to them, creating my own opinion on the matter. I decided which of the movies that were being shouted I liked and I joined the argument.

"All right, all right. This will never work. If we are going to do this good, we will have to do it fair. Everyone writes their choice on a piece of paper and then we will see if there's one everybody would like to see," Carlisle said, raising his voice. We all did as we were told and put all the papers on the table. As everyone had seen the names, voices got louder again, protesting for certain movies. But Carlisle kept everyone in check and after a few minutes, we had made our decision and Emmett went to fetch the dvd.

Edward grabbed my hand and I moved closer to him.

"I'll dim the lights," Jasper said, standing up. After he did, he sat down besides Alice again and I saw her smile, her teeth glistering in the dark room. He smiled back and threw his arm around her shoulder.

Emmett rushed off the stairs and put the dvd in the dvd-player. The movie started and we all went silent.

The next morning, we had seen five movies and were all fed up with sitting on the couch. So we got up and decided to go out for a hunt.

We were running through the woods as we entered the battle field from the day before. We saw the ashes and smelled the sweet odour of burned vampires. Everybody stopped walking and silently gazed at the sight in front of us. We were all brought back to reality in a second and it gave us chills. We knew we couldn't leave it like that, traces of a fight evident.

So we all started to dispose of the evidence. My stomach clenched as I saw a hand beneath some bushes. I knew I had to burn it and I did, but I felt nauseas and pained. We were done pretty soon, but everyone was depressed and the remains of that day we did almost nothing. We had continued hunting and after that returned home. We were all sick of doing nothing, but we couldn't think of anything to do. We had actually decided to go to school that day, but after seeing the battlefield, none of us wanted to go to school. Carlisle did go to his work, but returned early.

A few weeks went like this, only in those weeks we did go to school, except for Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper, who had already graduated. We were slowly getting out of the depressions and the memories faded from our mind, al though they never disappeared or got vague, for we were vampires. The mood changed positively and we got more cheerful. The days that passed were less boring and during school we always found something to make the day more pleasant.

When there was a party, we always went. We still kept our distance and never got close friends with humans, but we had fun and it was a welcome change from our routine.

A year passed and we graduated from high school, again. Carlisle and Esme started to think about the next place we would stay, as something happened in my life. It was an ordinary evening as Edward asked me to take a walk with him. My nerves started to flutter around as I noticed he was nervous but determined. Somehow my instinct told me what was going to happen, even though I wasn't sure yet.

He guided me to a small lake in the woods, where we sat down. The moon shone brightly and was reflected in the still water from the lake. It was all very peaceful, even though there weren't any sounds of animals, because they had all ran away when they had taken notice of us.

"I have thought about this a while, how to do this and where. I wanted it to be perfect. I found this and immediately knew this had to be the place. Then I had to come up with the 'how', which was harder. I decided to just take you here and see how it will go.

You can't believe how nervous I am,' he let out a shaky laugh and I grabbed his hands, which were shaking lightly, 'My Bella, you are truly beautiful. You must forgive me that I was feeling confident bringing you here, for that confidence has left me completely by now. I know that if I had prepared a speech, I would've forgotten by now, despite me being a vampire.

Your eyes sparkle, showing me the true love you hold for me. That must be the main thing that keeps me going now. My dear Bella, I see you are impatient, so I will get to the point.

I want to spent forever with you, I never want to be parted from you again. My lovely Bella, will you marry me?" He got a small box from his pocket and opened it, making the most beautiful ring appear.

"Yes," I whispered, after which I repeated it louder, throwing my hands around him.

"Yes, yes! Of course I will!" I kissed him on his forehead, his cheek, his nose and his mouth. He kissed me back with the same amount of passion. As we broke apart, we both started laughing.

The silence of the woods was disturbed by the sound of the most pure and genuine happiness.


End file.
